The Wall Came Down

"I need my vest," said the message.

Thank God I was home. 11 a.m. and I get a text message from my son. It was his choir tour day and he was missing part of his performance outfit. Mind you, the night before I was very specific: "Have your clothes ready for tomorrow--I don't want to be running around looking for your pants/socks/shoes/tux shirt etc. in the morning." I had forgotten about the vest.

He assured me he had everything located. And, the clothes were clean, pressed and ready to wear. I had no worries . . . until I received the text message.

"We're gonna stop by the house to get it," said message number two. Thank God the vest was hanging in Isaac's closet. I found it quickly. He drove by the house. I handed him the vest. And he was on his way.

Throughout much of this year Isaac and I have been living like bachelors. Clarisa was first in Panama for six weeks, and now is on a spring break trip with Lonelli and Amelia. These trips are possible because I'm home and can shepherd Isaac from school, to activities, to home. Especially with performance date for the musical fast approaching, a concert with Civic Youth Ensemble upon us, and two baseball teams practicing, the boy is busy--and he needs a parent.

Who knew keeping the boy in clean clothes AND making dinner every night, took so much effort! It's not that the work is hard or extensive, it's just there's always something to do for him. I don't believe I fully appreciated Clarisa's "job" until now.

Being a stay-at-home parent reminds me of my days when I worked at the hospital, especially the weeks I was on-call. As much as you were free to do other things when you were on-call, you never knew when an emergency would pop up and you'd need to spring into action. It could happen any time, and sometimes emergencies came up at inconvenient moments. Then, as now, I always answered the call. Kind of like, "I need my vest."

As old as my children get, experience has proven that the "I need you" requests keep on coming. Believe it or not, all of my offspring ask for my attention from time to time--and more frequently now that I'm home.

When I traveled to an office every day, a wall went up. All I needed to say to my kids when they wanted something from me was "I'm at work" and they immediately backed off. Of course, Clarisa never felt that way--and had no problem paging me from meetings to discuss various "domestic situations." But the kids didn't want to bother me at work. No matter the issue.

Now a days, the wall has disappeared--and if I'm slow to respond, they wonder why. What could I possibly be doing that is more important than them? Hmm, let me think about that. I don't think anything is more important these days.

Pity they felt my work trumped their requests. I don't know if I built the wall, they built the wall based on social norms, or they really believed my focusing on work was more important than their needs. I don't know, but next go round, there won't be a wall. I'm not sure how I'm gonna pull it off, but I'm determined. My wife and kids will have non-stop access to me whether or not I'm "at work."

I'm not interested in co-dependent relationships, however. Truth is we often call Isaac the "absent minded professor." He truly needs to be more fastidious about his schedule and keeping his life organized. It's not my job to fix every problem, especially ones he (they) can fix themselves. I do not nuture healthy adults/teens by enabling absent mindedness or irresponsibility.

At the same time, it's nice to be needed.