Twenty Things

This will be my twentieth blog posting. While I anticipated writing more often when I started in January, it's still a lot of words. Thank you for those who have slogged through all those words with me.

The number twenty came up again last week when Clarisa and I celebrated our twentieth wedding anniversary. You know, twenty is a big number. And the idea that we've been together this many years is amazing. Despite a lot of challenges, we've done pretty well together--and I expect we've got at least another twenty years more in the gas tank. So, stay tuned.

To honor twenty years of marriage, I want to share with you twenty things I love about my wife Clarisa. I can think of a lot more nice things to say about her, so this list is not exhaustive. Also, I'm not trying overly hard to be romantic nor am I saying that these twenty things are the twenty best things about my wife. All I'm saying is that I gave myself twenty minutes to come up with a list, and here it is:

1. I love her name. Clarisa Caridad. Really poetic, don't you think? She's the first person I ever met named Clarisa. The second is her aunt (and namesake) in Panama. Caridad is Spanish for "Charity". Oh, and if you're going to say her name, say it correctly. Emphasize the middle vowel--it's Clar E sa, not Clar isssa. That's how it's said in Spanish, and I really think it sounds prettier that way.

2. I love her heritage. I've long said that we really stirred up the gene pool when we made children together. I mean what a mix! She's got African blood by way of Jamaica. She's got east Indian blood (you should see the photos of her turbaned great grandfather) by way of Bombay. She's got white Spaniards and native Panamanians all mixed in there for good measure. Talk about diversity, she's a whole United Nations all in one person.

3. I love that she's bilingual. I don't know too many people who are completely fluent in multiple languages. The remarkable thing about Clarisa is that she speaks English like an American (no hint of an accent), and she speaks Spanish like a Panamanian. And to boot, she's not too bad at French and Portuguese! I'm in awe of her language abilities--it makes her accessible to so many people.

4. I love her complexion. How to describe it? Deep tan? Honey brown? Rich copper? Anyway you look at it, she has amazing skin and really doesn't need make up.

5. I love her legs. This is the last physical attribute I'm going to mention. Trust me, there's a lot more to say about her body, but I'm going to share that with her privately. About those legs--she's 50+ years old and not one spot of cellulite. It's true! Her legs are long and shapely and lovely in short skirts.

6. I love that she's passionate about every detail in her life. I don't care if Clarisa's washing clothes, entertaining guests, or settling some world crisis, everything she does feels important. She sweats every detail and never relaxes her standards. Never.

7. I love that Clarisa loves children. And they love her, too. What's unusual about my wife is that she never condescends to a child. She speaks to them directly, often in the same tone and using the same language that she uses with adults. She also remembers important details about their lives, and asks questions about these details. That's why she's so successful as a room mother, a Sunday school teacher, and a class sponsor. Hundreds of children know her by name and are not ashamed to greet her when they meet her in the street.

8. I love how she makes bacalao. I could have just as easily said chicken and rice, sugar cookies or skirt steak, but bacalao was the first home cooked meal she made for me and I've loved it ever since. For those who don't know bacalao, it's kind of a stew made with salted cod fish. I know, it sounds gross, but it's really good when made with love . . . and lots of coconut milk!

9. I love how Clarisa resists routines. When life seems mundane, Clarisa makes changes. Even when running errands, she doesn't drive the same paths over and over. In our house, the furniture gets rearranged regularly. Dinner is never at the same hour from day to day, and you're never quite sure whether that standing appointment is going to stand from week to week. The only things predictable in our lives are surprises.

10. As much as Clarisa resists routines, I love her diehard embrace of meaningful traditions. From year-to-year Clarisa is the one who insists that we continue traditions. For example, every year, at her insistance, we sit down together and share daily family devotions during Lent; we light candles and say prayers during Advent; birthdays are celebrated with homemade cakes; and newlyweds always receive creches for their first Christmas. Maintaining these traditions requires time, attention and money. Still, Clarisa proudly soldiers on, carrying the torch for traditions, despite lack of cooperation from the rest of us.

11. I love that Clarisa expects the best. She never settles for lesser models or slapdash efforts. She expects jobs to be completed correctly, that the goods she purchases are top quality, and that individuals give their best efforts in whatever they do.

12. I love her firm faith. Since I have the seminary degree, people assume I'm the religious one, but the person with real faith in my family is my wife. Her vibrant prayer life, devotion to Scripture, and very public faith witness are authentic expressions of her faith. While I seem stuck in shadows of doubt, Clarisa's faith propels her fearlessly forward. Her trust in God's goodness is truly awe inspiring.

13. I love Clarisa's compassion. Again, this may come as a surprise, but she's the softy, I'm the hardhead when it comes to people's needs. She wants to help the widows, the orphans, the people in distress, and she motivates me to feel likewise.

14. I love that Clarisa is the least intimidated person I know. Powers and princes mean nothing to her--she will speak her mind fearlessly, no matter the situation. I've become a braver, stronger person since I've known her.

15. I love that Clarisa loves baseball. It's my favorite sport and it would have been a shame not to share this interest. I know her love of baseball didn't start with me because her love for the game is genuine, longstanding, and passionate. We'll never forget that walkoff homerun we saw in 2007 in Detroit that that clinched the ALCS.

16. I love that Clarisa loves our life together. Many people I know wish their lives were different or pine for people and places far away from their homes. Not Clarisa. She's right where she wants to be in her world, and the fact she's content gives the rest of us great peace.

17. I love that Clarisa is devoted to her offspring. Though they may say she treats them differently, I see clearly her love and commitment to all four of our children. She defends them with every ounce of her being and never stops thinking of ways to help them.

18. I love that she has insisted that her family embrace me. It has always been Clarisa's belief that I was part of her family--and since the day we were married, she has insisted that her family treat me as one of their own and not as an alien outsider.

19. I love that Clarisa tries hard to please others, even when it hurts. For my 45th birtday, I was excited about a romantic long weekend in Quebec I had planned for the two of us. Though she was sick as a dog, Clarisa without a complaint dragged herself through museums and stores and sat through endless meals and even pulled off the sexy, negligee-wearing temptress at night, just to please me. I would have taken two Tylenol and gone to bed, but not Clarisa. And it's not just for me, Clarisa works hard to please every family member and friend in her life and I love that about her.

Finally, #20, I love that Clarisa loves me. During good times and even when we don't get along, I've never doubted her love, not once in twenty years. That's saying a lot.