Get Your Lazy Bones Out of Bed!

There are two kinds of people in the world:  morning people and lazy people.

Morning people are eager to start their days.  They plan.  They imagine.  They can't wait to face the world.

Lazy people want to sleep.  They stay in bed even when awake.  They avoid doing productive endeavors.  They make excuses for everything.  Why?   Because . . . because . . . well, who knows?

There are two kinds of people in the world:  robots and creators.   Robots sleepwalk through life without much reflection.  They get up.  They go to work.  They come home.  They go to bed.  Over and over, again and again, they do as they're told and do it some more.  Creators have little love for routine.  They see the work-a-day-world as a prison that stiffles creative thought.  Tight, rigid schedules make life intolerable.  They function best when free to move when their muse moves them.

Clearly there are more than two kinds of people in the world.  However, depending on the day, we can only see two types:  people like us and people not like us.  Usually people like us are imbued with every positive quality and characteristic, while people not like us are easily maligned or ignored.

The book Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates was all the rage a few years back.  Corporations and organizations bought copies of the 120-page manual and passed them out to their people.  The book included an abbreviated version of the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indictator) test with analysis.  Organizations and groups gave their members this test believing that by understanding various personality types,  members would know each other better and productivity would increase.

The MBTI is a test based on Jungian psychology (loved Michael Fassbender in A Dangerous Method, btw) and divides the world into various personality and temperment profiles based on answers to a series of questions.  No value judgments are placed on the various temperments--no one type is "better" or "worse" than the other, they're just different.  However, implicit in these categories is the idea that persons may be better suited for certain roles over others based on their personality.  For example, probably not a good idea to make an introverted thinker the head of your sales team!

While understanding people's personalties may be useful in knowing your friends, family members, and co-workers, does it help you enjoy being stuck with a thankless task because it "better suits your personality"?

Think back to the biblical story of Mary and Martha.  Martha was stuck fixing food and cleaning house when Jesus came by, while her sister Mary sat at Jesus' feet and listened to him speak.  Jesus said Mary made the better choice by skipping work and listening to him.  I see his point.  Seriously, how important is the pita and hummus when the Son of God sits in your living room?

I know people who never relax.  They are so busy futzing around that they miss seeing rainbows and hearing birds sing.  Too bad for them.  At the same time, does a person get a pass from menial tasks and drudgery simply because it's counter to their personality type?  Does anybody really enjoy scrubbing toilets?  I don't think so.

Knowing personality types helps us understand the people around us.  We know why certain tasks seem more difficult for some and why others enjoy doing the tasks they enjoy.  Diversity in personality and temperment is not, however, a measure of ability or a limit on responsibility.  We can be good at things we don't enjoy.  And, if our group needs that task performed, we might be stuck doing it.  Further, our positions may require us to "take care of business" even if we wish somebody else would step up in our place.  You can't expect a willing minor to run to the the 24-hour pharmacy when the baby is sick at night.

In a perfect world, our lives would be unending bliss--and everyone would perform only the tasks that bring us joy.  We all would feel fulfilled, self actualized, and free from pressure.  However, in the world where I live, someone has to wash dishes, clean up dog poop, discipline the children, and struggle with bills.  Not always fun--but necessary.

Do I feel put upon or frustrated when some of these tasks fall on my shoulders?  Yes!   But, I'm not alone here.  Do I feel guilty when these tasks fall on other shoulders?  Sometimes.  Many families and groups share the same or similar personalities--that's why we were attracted to each other in the first place!  Therefore, when we all want to be the head, there's nobody left to be the feet.  Here's where communication and negotiation come to play.  Find a way to share the load so that no one person ends up being dumped on all the time.

Yet, communication and negotiation require work, while anger and resentment are easy.  Which will I choose today?  Which will you?

Welcome to Juno Alaska!

Yes, I know how to spell. The capital of Alaska is J-U-N-E-A-U. Juno is a Roman goddess. "Juno" is also the title of a 2010 movie starring Michael Cera and Ellen Page. And, Juno is the name we gave to the pictured Siberian Husky who moved into our house three weeks ago.

Hard to tell if she knows her name is Juno. After ongoing training efforts, the puppy understands "sit" (though she doesn't always sit when commanded). She understands "come" (though she doesn't always come when called"). She seems to know her name if there's food involved. Maybe she's just not attached to the name Juno. Maybe she still remembers "Tina"--the name her original owners called her.

I'm not sure I'm all that attached to the name Juno either. First week home, I think I preferred "Ghost Dog" because of her haunting blue eyes. Half the time I call her "Carly," the name of our 10-year old Lab--who, by the way, dithers between fear, disdain and grudging acceptance of the baby interloper. Lately I've been spitting out "Devil Dog" as the exuberant pup jumps on cabinets, chews chair legs, and poops everwhere but in her designated pooping spot.

There's no denying this puppy packs charisma--with her fluffy fur, bandit's face, affectionate personality, not to mention THOSE EYES! But she's a ton of work, too.

None of us clearly remember whether training Carly was this hard. Now moving into her final years, Carly is a mellow beast whose behavior mostly pleases her owners. She never messes the house, she doesn't jump on visitors. Her life is regular and orderly. Was housebreaking difficult for us ten years ago? I don't remember.

What I do recognize is that Carly, a submissive litter runt, might soon get alpha femaled by her new canine housemate. This Juno is willful, confident, and eager to explore. Katey bar the door!

Seriously, I'm gonna bar the doors--or at least set up some toddler gates.

Fasten your seatbelts, it's gonna be a bumpy night!

You aren't kidding Margo Channing. Early this morning (I'm talking 5 a.m.), I heard Juno yelping in her crate. It had been several hours since she last had been out. I figured her baby bladder needed relieving, and I got up to take her outside. When I got downstairs, Juno was jumping excitedly, and I tried to settle her down. Then I noticed puppy feces strewn everywhere. I took her outside, where she urinated as expected. Brought her in and gave her breakfast in an enclosed area. Then I began the stinky cleanup.

What made this mess so distressing was the fact that it was her third crate pooping incident in the same day! Has she decided the crate is her "designated pooping spot?" I thought dogs didn't poop where they slept?

Clearly we're doing something wrong.

Our puppy training manual says you can let a dog roam free in the house once you've gone an entire two weeks without an accident. Right now I'd settle for twelve hours!

Despite our muttered threats to give the dog back, or send her to the Humane Society, we know Juno is here to stay. And, like her namesake Roman goddess, looks like she has plans to become queen of this castle.

We'll see about that.

Mary Magdalene First

When Jesus rose from the dead on Easter, the Gospels agree that he appeared first to Mary Magdalene. But why Mary? Why not to one of his other friends? From the Bible we know precious little about Mary Magdalene. We know she was from Magdala, a small fishing village near the Sea of Galilee. We know that Jesus cast from her seven demons. And, following her release, we know that Mary was one of Jesus' most devoted disciples. Beyond that the Bible says precious little.

The Bible does not say whether Mary was rich or poor, whether she was married or had children. Further, the Bible never suggests she was a person of low moral character. She was not a prostitute. She had not been caught in adultery. And, she was not the weeping woman who bathed Jesus' feet with tears and annointed them with perfume. Modern stories that portrary Mary as Jesus' spouse or even the mother of his children are pure fiction.

But, of all the friends of Jesus, she saw him first following his resurrection. That seems meaningful to me.

Whenever something remarkable happens in my life, I want to share the news. When my children were born, the phone calls started ringing immediately--first parents and siblings, then other relatives and close friends. But, when my mother died last summer, I was overseas without a phone, surrounded by people I had only recently met. Fortunately I found solace with my wife, my son, and with people who happened to be with me.

The resurrection stands out as the most sigificant event in history, and Jesus shared the news first with Mary Magdalene. I wonder, did she "earn" that honor, or was she merely at the right place at the right time. I believe it was a little of both.

"Lucky" people are also often outgoing people. You can only be at the right place at the right time if you go places. If you sit at home waiting for the telephone to ring with good news, you might wait a long time. But, if you're out in the world--meeting people, working hard, trying to make a difference, things happen. I know the importance of times for reflection and contemplation. People who are busy often get overwhelmed with their lives. Quiet, alone time is necessary to help us keep perspective. However, in Mary's case, her actions put her in the position to see Jesus first.

While other disciples fled, fearing for their lives, Mary stayed near Jesus. She witnessed every gruesome step of his march to Calvary. She lingered at the foot of the cross as Jesus' life slipped away. She helped wrap the bloody corpse and prepared it for burial. Others were there, too, but Mary Magdalene, alone among the friends of Jesus, witnessed every agonizing moment. And, early Easter morning, who first went to the tomb? Not Peter, not John, not one of the other disciples, but Mary and her friends. She saw Jesus first, because she refused to leave him, even in death.

True love and loyalty are far more precious than power and popularity. Power is often based on position. Take away the position and the power is gone. Similarly, popularity is fleeting. We feel affection toward people who amuse us, flatter us, or possess something we want. But such feelings should never be mistaken for true love.

Throughout his life Jesus, won crowds of admirers through his teaching and his miracles. Yet, this affection dissipated after Jesus' ministry moved in unpopular directions. When Jesus overturned the merchants' tables and condemned the temple authorities, suddenly his popularity faded.

It's remarkable that despite the many lives he touched, Jesus suffered the cross nearly by himself. But Mary was there. Her loyalty to Jesus was nurtured by personal experiences that extended over many years. Her love for him was no passing fancy, but touched the core of her soul and easily survived even the most disasterous circumstances. She would not abandon Jesus. He freed her from seven demons. He transformed her life. And, for her devotion, every generation since has honored her memory.

Luke tells a story about Jesus healing ten lepers. They all were infected with leprosy and lived as outcasts. And, thanks to Jesus, they all were made clean. While all ten received the same cure, only one returned to Jesus and said thank you. How surprising.

Whether or not Mary Magdalen performed any more remarkable deeds in her life, we can only speculate. However, in the Easter story, her love and loyalty earned her a place in history. And, we should all follow her example.

Too often, I am like the disciples who run away from Jesus when I'm afraid. Or, I'm like one of the nine healed lepers who shares my blessings with everyone while failing to bless the one who blessed me first. Fortunately Easter comes back every year and we are reminded that some friends showed loyalty to Jesus, while others betrayed his love. Are we all that different? Fortunately, Jesus loves us unconditionally, and allows us to choose the example we will follow. This year, let it be Mary's.

New Normal Needed

Hey Jamie Lee Curtis, get your smug mug over here and feed me some Activia. Seems like your yogurt has magical qualities. If you're distressed, out of sorts, dissatisfied with your life, a few spoonfuls of Activia and, voila! A "new normal."

Damn, I need a new normal.

Since I got back from Italy two weeks ago, everything in my life has seemed out of sorts. Can't focus, no appetite, haven't exercised much, and work? Do I even have a job? And my wife and kids. Yeah, they're here, too. But what are their names again?

Maybe I'm suffering from Renaissance envy, or perhaps pasta withdrawal. Or, maybe, I picked up something on that Air France flight--a bug in the cognac, perhaps? And I never drink cognac, either. Something about that trip. Can't stop thinking about some of the things I saw there.

Of course nothing prepares you for the experience of seeing your son sing Michael Jackson songs in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa while Asian tourists took pics. Yeah, that happened. Or hearing them perform a Mozart mass selection in St. Peter's Basilica while the Pope listened from his private apartment. (Well, what else would he be doing while our kids sang?)

Other images are sticking in my mind, too. Like, in Rome, there are apartments built on top of Roman ruins. Right on top--the builders didn't tear down the old, they simply used it as a foundation. Can you imagine? Levels one and two are an unoccupied municipal building built in the third century. And level three was added one hundred years ago--and the units have electricity, running water, and satellite dishes. Rome is this bizarre juxtaposition of old and new--always colliding and kind of messy.

Predictably, in Florence I came face to face with David. Yes, THE David statue by Michelangelo. Of course I've seen pictures of it hundreds of times, but here's a few things I didn't know. First, he's enormous--like 16-feet tall. And, he has a back. Which I'd never seen. Running down the middle of his back is a leather strap--which is attached to the slingshot he's holding in his left hand. How come I never noticed the slingshot? Oh, and his hands are freakishly large, even for a 16-foot man.

The story is that Michelangelo was concerned about perspective--because the statue originally was meant for display high above the square in front of the Florence Cathedral. And, from that vantage point, the freakishly large hands looked postively normal. I guess.

Now Venice had its unforgettable sights, too. I was most taken by St. Mark's Cathedral--which is gilt in gold, and absolutely sparkled in the February sunlight. Yet, for all the beauty they amassed, the Venetians, I discovered, were a bunch of conniving thieves. For example, the golden lions in front of St. Mark's were stolen from Constantinople in the 12th century when, in one of the darkest moments of the Crucades, the Catholic armies forgot about liberating the Holy Land and decided it was a better idea to settle a few scores with the Byzantines. Why fight actual armies when there was so much plunder so close to home?

And the bones of St. Mark? Well the crafty Venetians sailed to Alexandria in Egypt, lifted the relices from the great evangelist's final resting place, and shipped them to Venice under a cargo of pork. Turns out the Muslim Arab authorities in Egypt would not touch swine and let the Venetians leave Alexandria unscathed, even when the local Coptic Christians pleaded with them to stop the plundering. One macabre detail in the story is that somehow St. Mark's skull was separated from his body--and, miraculously, the head "appeared" again in Alexandria after the grave robbing incident. Charming!

So for all its grace and beauty, Venice was built by a bunch of criminals, who after attaining wealth, decided they were artists and defenders of liberty. Talk about an image makeover!

Which brings me back to my "new normal." As much as I love my life in Grosse Pointe--with its sweeping lakefront views, stately homes, clean sidewalks and parks, it seems rather staid and mundane after the historic riches of Italy. Can't even get interested much in reading about our salacious local murder yarn, or planning my spring garden, or thinking about new clients and projects. My kids seem fine, my wife and I are getting along well, time marches on, but I'm feeling restless and out-of-place nonetheless.

Was there something in that lasagna I liked so much in Bologna? Or, perhaps I should just start eating Activia. God knows I need a "new normal."

New Years Resolutions

Here's my top 10 for 2012:

1. Compete in my first marathon. Ok, I said it. Now I gotta do it. Notice I didn't specify whether a half or full.

2. Attend fewer funerals. Entirely too many people in my life died in 2011--and, if you can believe it--I kinda ran out of things to say. Death is final--and while memories live on, you can't call up a memory on the telephone. I'm done with funerals.

3. Get rid of stuff. After Lonelli moved to Boston, my house felt noticeably lighter. Especially now that the basement is no longer a storage unit, I'm looking around and thinking, where did all this stuff come from?

4. Make a new friend (or two). Nothing wrong with my current crop of friends and family, but, I'm well aware that much of my life is wrapped up in my children. As they continue to make their own lives, and need me less and less, I need to nurture other relationships as well. Which, leads me to my next resolution.

5. Work on my marriage. Clarisa and I have been together 22 years and throughout that time our relationship has focused on our kids. While our love for each other is strong, this year we need to find more things we enjoy doing together BESIDES eating, traveling overseas, and watching NCIS.

6. Build a grotto. I've identified a spot in the backyard for quiet contemplation. It would be so cool to build--just gotta move some dirt, plant some shrubs, and install a bench.

7. Pray more.

8. Write more.

9. Preach more. Haven't delivered a sermon in two years--and I miss it.

10. Get out of purgatory (subject of a future blog post)--but only if that means finding some heavenly bliss here on earth. I appreciate all prayers to that end.

A goal without a plan is just a good idea. I know I'm planning to tackle this list with discipline and hard work. And, while I'm ticking items off the list, let me know if I can help you achieve any of your goals. Why? Because my 11th resolution for this year is: "Be more generous and less self absorbed." Come to think of it, that one might be the most difficult of all!

I Shot Your Dog?

"Did he just say what I thought he said?" I asked my daughter as I listened to the song. She said it was her favorite tune currently getting played in Chile's clubs and on popular radio stations.

My wife and I were in Chile to retrieve our daughter Amelia who had just completed a semester of studies overseas. She loved her stay and we could see why. Chile's mountains, lakes, cities, farms and beaches are beautiful--and the country itself, while still firmly rooted in it's Latin American culture, also felt different than other places we visited in the region. Chile is cleaner, more prosperous, more European than its neighbors. For North American guests it's easier to visit.

But back to the song my daughter was playing from her IPhone. The song was in Portuguese, with an infectious beat and happy, almost joyous vocals. So why did he say, over and over, "I shot your pero, I, I."

"Why is he so happy if he just shot my dog?" I asked.

To all you non-Spanish speakers "pero" is the Spanish word for "dog."

Alright, I have no idea what he really said, but "I shot your dog" just seems funny to me. Kinda like the "haunted bear" I'm sure was in that Green Day song. Or being asked, "Do you wanna make fudge? Or do you just wanna fool around?" from that old 70s song.

Now I sing those lyrics every time my daughter plays that song--much to her annoyance. My kids swear I'm the only one who thinks my jokes are funny. I don't really care. If I'm laughing--and not hurting anybody's feelings in the process, who cares if the jokes are lame!

Greek Crisis? With That Yogurt?

There are certain news stories I simply do not understand. Which is a total surprise in the world of dumbed down reporting and non-stop celebrity gossip. I never studied finance--so perhaps I should ask a real expert to explain--but it makes no sense to me that a default by tiny Greece is threatening to bring down the world's economy.

I've heard these stories before--how AIG or Merrill Lynch or Fannie Mae--were all the final straws that threatened to bring down the U.S. economy. And, after a taxpayer funded lifeline, the sky remained above. So I'm a little jaded about this whole Greece mess. However, if it's true that a solvent Greece is the lynchpin upon which our entire world's financial system depends, I have a few ideas that might help the Greeks raise a few euros. In case anybody reading this is friends with a bigwig at the IMF or at the European Union HQs, please feel free to forward a link.

FIVE WAYS TO SAVE GREECE (and save the world)

1. Feta Fridays. This is really just a marketing idea. Remember when Wednesday was Prince Spaghetti day? Well as long as that ad campaign ran, Prince Spaghetti ruled the dry pasta market. The ads stopped--and where's Prince Spaghetti today. Nowhere! If the Greeks started a similar campaign promoting their signature goat milk cheese, "Eat it every Friday!" sales could skyrocket.

2. Limit access to Greek Yogurt. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but I've eaten Greek yogurt. It's amazing! And, I already am willing to pay three times the cost of regular yogurt to get some for my morning smoothies. Imagine what could happen if my supply simply dried up! If the Middle Eastern nations gained a stranglehold on the world's economy by limiting the supply of oil through OPEC, what's wrong with the Greeks doing the same with their yogurt. I know the thoughts of long lines at supermarkets worldwide is horrific, but with the world's financial system at stake, a little tough medicine won't hurt . . . much.

3. Find a use for olive leaves. With all the olive oil they produce, those leaves must be spread four inches thick across the entire country. This isn't as crazy as it sounds. The Greeks have enjoyed phenomenal success convincing the world to use the leaves from another woody plant (eating grape leaves, really?). Why not find a use for something much more plentiful? Right now the leaves just sit unused. Maybe they contain a medicine that can cure baldness. Maybe woven together they could form a flame resistant fabric. Whatever the use--if the world is willing to eat grape leaves, I'm sure we can be convinced do something equally amazing with olive leaves.

4. Sell an island. The Greeks have thousands. Would it really ruin their country to lose just one? Think about it. What could Santorini fetch in the open market? Several billion euros for sure. And Crete? Would the Greeks really miss Crete all that much? What a great place to warehouse retirees from Hong Kong or convicts from Brazil. I'm sure selling Crete would fill their coffers and then some.

5. Stage a worldwide bake sale. Bake sales have funded youth sports programs for decades. What about bake sales to save the birthplace of the Olympics? The Greeks would supply the baklava through their embassies, and the rest of us would set up tables and collect cash. If volunteers will sell and buy cookies to support losing sports teams, out of love and loyalty, think how many people would do the same for Greece--out of love and loyalty for it's gifts to the world: Aristotle, wine, spanakopita, Jackie Onassis, just to name a few.

I'm sure if I tried, I could come up with more fantastic ideas how to save Greece, and save the world. And, to think, I wrote this whole piece without even drinking a shot of ouzo!