. . . but in my case it's still a really big one!
Actress Bette Davis first said, "Getting old is not for sissies," which has been repeated many times, by many commentators, in many circumstances. And, now you're gonna hear it from me. Getting old is definitely NOT for sissies. I should know. It's kicking my butt this week!
It's not that I wish I was young, because I don't want to relive those awkward, mistake-filled, crazy days of yore. Wisdom and experience are wonderful gifts. However, it is true that youth is wasted on the young (thank you George Bernard Shaw for that nugget!). If I knew then what I know now . . . Unfortunately my time machine is missing a few parts and I can't whiz back to 1983 and buy that Microsoft stock. And, it's wasted effort pining over what might have been. You can't change the past.
Experience is a wonderful teacher, and, unless we're insane, it keeps us from making the same mistakes over and over. However, it sure would be nice if some of my newfound limits related to aging weren't part of my personal equation.
Am I back in midlife crisis mode? Not really. What's got me down this week is my hernia. Yuck! That sounds like an old man's malady. Can you even say the word "truss" without seeing visions of hobbling old gentlemen? In my case, I didn't actually tear anything or experience pain. My hernia came on after I started swimming seriously this fall. After one particularly grueling workout, while in the shower, I looked down and said to myself, "that doesn't look right." My physician confirmed it wasn't right and scheduled me to go under the knife for a little repair work. Six weeks of no exercise, too. Other than having my wisdom teeth removed at age 17, I've never been under the knife before.
Is this the dreaded slippery slope? Have I now, on the cusp of 50 years old, become the old man who talks incessantly about his ailments, puts pills in a daily pill counter, wears sansabell shorts, and scans the paper for earlybird dinner specials? Say it ain't so!
Hear's another good quote--if it's true that youth is wasted on the young, perhaps medication is wasted on the old. That's funny. It made me laugh.
Truth is that time marches on. There is no fountain of youth. We must make the best of our days whether we are young or old or somewhere in between. We all have limits--it's just some of us are more aware of those limits than others.
Sure with hard work, a good attitude, God's grace and a little luck, we can accomplish great things at any age. It's just that on some days, it's more difficult to shine with sunny optimism . . . especially when you have a surgeon waiting to slice you open in a few days.
He said I'll be back, though, better than ever. That is, of course, assuming there are no complications. Now that's the spirit! Ha ha.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
New Year/New Gear
It took me a while, but I'm rapidly upgrading my athletic gear. Some of these items I bought, other new, cool duds and gadgets came to me from friends and family. Don't worry, I have not gone overboard here--athletes can be suckers for every new fad and fashion. And, in the same way I resist being the middle aged guy in the sports car (such a sad cliche), I don't want to be the old guy trying to look young and flashy in my workout clothes.
Up until recently, "young" and "flashy" were two words no seeing person would ever use to describe my workout attire. My sweat pants were gray, cotton and oversized (like those favored by Marky Mark in The Fighter). My shorts were mostly rejects from the sale bin at Steve and Barry's (yeah they went out of business two years ago). And my T-Shirts were give aways from various promotions (e.g. a bunch of Dwayne Wade Nike T's), hand me downs from my kids (most either involving baseball tournaments or Greek functions), or artifacts from long ago family trips (did we actually ever visit Nantucket?). I even engaged in a little cross dressing when a pair of Jacklyn Smith shorts appeared in my drawer. And no, I did not give them back to their rightful owner!
For most of 2010 I relished my shabby athletic attire, insisting it was my workout efforts that mattered, not the expense of my gear. One exception to my low budget style, however, has been my footwear. I've been wearing Asics sneakers for years, dutifully changing them every six months. No way I'm risking an injury by wearing cheap shoes!
In the summer, however, I made my first changes. For my first triathlon in July, I decided to purchase actual running shorts, some moisture wicking socks, and a well-ventilated running shirt. I'm wearing that getup in the picture attached to my blog homepage. It's one thing to work out privately in shabby clothes--but in public, I felt I needed to look better. I also discovered that better gear does have its advantages other than visual appeal.
For one thing, cotton is not the best fabric to wear during heavy duty workouts, especially if you sweat as heavily as I do! Since cotton absorbs liquids well, my gear gets very wet, very fast. While that's not so bad in the summer, when you aren't wearing much in the first place, in a race every little bit of extra weight is baggage you don't need. So "moisture wicking" is the key.
Fabrics with moisture wicking properties pull sweat away from the body and then sends it off into the atmosphere. Interestingly the favored "moisture wicking" fabric among athletic gear makers is that old, widely lampooned 70's fabric, polyester. Yep, polyester is back--now hip, expensive and hightech. With leisure suits and shiny shirts a distant memory, polyester has made a remarkable recovery with a whole new category of consumers. And I will admit I paid top dollar for polyester!
Late in the summer, I added some additional "moisture wicking" shirts to my athletic gear drawer. Hey, they were on sale at Dicks. I couldn't resist.
Finally, with late fall and early winter came my birthday and Christmas. And, thoughtful friends and family, who probably were sick of seeing me look so dreadful in the gym and jogging around town, conspired to purchase more new stuff. Very thoughtful gifts, actually. And, with the cold weather, I was grateful. I'm still exercising outside with a running group. And yes, I looked pitiful in an ancient windbreaker and those old school sweat pants. What's worse, wet clothes are a nightmare in cold weather. All those cold, wet garments were gonna make me sick! Without new stuff I certainly was on the road to a case of double pnemonia! I needed an intervention and my friends and family came to the rescue.
So now when you see me running around town, pedaling on my bike and huffing and puffing in the gym, I won't look like Rocky Balboa's poor relation. I will be styling big time. Baby it's a new year--and I have new gear!
Up until recently, "young" and "flashy" were two words no seeing person would ever use to describe my workout attire. My sweat pants were gray, cotton and oversized (like those favored by Marky Mark in The Fighter). My shorts were mostly rejects from the sale bin at Steve and Barry's (yeah they went out of business two years ago). And my T-Shirts were give aways from various promotions (e.g. a bunch of Dwayne Wade Nike T's), hand me downs from my kids (most either involving baseball tournaments or Greek functions), or artifacts from long ago family trips (did we actually ever visit Nantucket?). I even engaged in a little cross dressing when a pair of Jacklyn Smith shorts appeared in my drawer. And no, I did not give them back to their rightful owner!
For most of 2010 I relished my shabby athletic attire, insisting it was my workout efforts that mattered, not the expense of my gear. One exception to my low budget style, however, has been my footwear. I've been wearing Asics sneakers for years, dutifully changing them every six months. No way I'm risking an injury by wearing cheap shoes!
In the summer, however, I made my first changes. For my first triathlon in July, I decided to purchase actual running shorts, some moisture wicking socks, and a well-ventilated running shirt. I'm wearing that getup in the picture attached to my blog homepage. It's one thing to work out privately in shabby clothes--but in public, I felt I needed to look better. I also discovered that better gear does have its advantages other than visual appeal.
For one thing, cotton is not the best fabric to wear during heavy duty workouts, especially if you sweat as heavily as I do! Since cotton absorbs liquids well, my gear gets very wet, very fast. While that's not so bad in the summer, when you aren't wearing much in the first place, in a race every little bit of extra weight is baggage you don't need. So "moisture wicking" is the key.
Fabrics with moisture wicking properties pull sweat away from the body and then sends it off into the atmosphere. Interestingly the favored "moisture wicking" fabric among athletic gear makers is that old, widely lampooned 70's fabric, polyester. Yep, polyester is back--now hip, expensive and hightech. With leisure suits and shiny shirts a distant memory, polyester has made a remarkable recovery with a whole new category of consumers. And I will admit I paid top dollar for polyester!
Late in the summer, I added some additional "moisture wicking" shirts to my athletic gear drawer. Hey, they were on sale at Dicks. I couldn't resist.
Finally, with late fall and early winter came my birthday and Christmas. And, thoughtful friends and family, who probably were sick of seeing me look so dreadful in the gym and jogging around town, conspired to purchase more new stuff. Very thoughtful gifts, actually. And, with the cold weather, I was grateful. I'm still exercising outside with a running group. And yes, I looked pitiful in an ancient windbreaker and those old school sweat pants. What's worse, wet clothes are a nightmare in cold weather. All those cold, wet garments were gonna make me sick! Without new stuff I certainly was on the road to a case of double pnemonia! I needed an intervention and my friends and family came to the rescue.
So now when you see me running around town, pedaling on my bike and huffing and puffing in the gym, I won't look like Rocky Balboa's poor relation. I will be styling big time. Baby it's a new year--and I have new gear!
Monday, December 13, 2010
Merry Whatever
John Lennon had it right--that Paul McCartney had given up groundbreaking creativity for writing silly love songs. He said that in 1973 when the breakup of the world's greatest band still touched raw nerves, and the former bandmates seemed to be trying to outdo themselve to prove they were the real reason for the group's astonishing success.
Clearly, something was lost in McCartney's songwriting after the Beatles. While he certainly has enjoyed popular success over the last forty years, tossing off hummable bon mots with about as much effort as most of us use to make breakfast, "groundbreaking" is not how most music fans would describe these tunes. Compare "Ebony and Ivory" with "A Day In The Life" and you'll know what I mean.
It wasn't the spectacle of watching McCartney bring his senior citizen rock moves to Saturday Night Live this past week that has me thinking about the former Beatle, or the fact that his music is finally available on I-Tunes (hurray!!), but that my son picked his Christmas song to try out for a solo slot in his high school's upcoming holiday concert. Isaac didn't get the solo, which I believe has as much to do with the quality of McCartney's carol as Isaac's admittedly shakey performance.
Written in 1979, McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" has taken its place as one of the most often heard songs played on 24/7 Christmas radio stations. Yet, it boasts lyrics so banal that it could be about any family-oriented holiday. OK, that is an overstatement. There are no choirs of children and bells in a song about the Fourth of July, but you get my drift. The song is about feeling good, having a party, being with friends and family--that's Christmas spirit without Christmas message.
John Lennon, who was never a proponent of Christian faith (e.g. "The Beatles are more popular than Jesus"), at least understood that the hope of Peace on Earth was a very good reason to wish Merry Christmas. Yet, for Paul McCartney, there is no gift giving, no peace, no humble, struggling Holy Family. Instead Christmas is all about mood and feelings.
Well, if that's what Christmas is about, maybe we should all just take a Zoloft on December 25, sit home, and listen to Johnny Mathis albums! Seriously, in this weather, who needs a party? Why don the cheesy red sweater and risk grievous bodily harm to drive across town, especially after imbibing a few egg nogs? If feeling warm inside is the goal, then skip the cards and the $10 gifts and just mix me another Hot Toddy, please!
I'm still waiting for Christmas spirit to hit me this season. My wife says I've been a curmudgeon all month--heck I nixed the backyard ice rink, have found plenty of things to do other than shop, and not even faked an effort to start addressing Christmas cards. I know I have responsibilities to bring Christmas spirit to my family--and with that in mind I gamely hung outdoor lights, hoisted an enormous wreath on the front of the house, and even baked some amazing cookies. In a more serious vain, our family's Advent devotions have occurred almost daily--in an admirable effort to remember "the reason for the season." Yet, I'm still left wondering, who's going to bring the Christmas spirit to me this year?
Last night we ended up watching Seven Years in Tibet on television. This visually spectacular film tells the story of Heinrich Herrer, an egotistical mountain climber, whose life was changed by his friendship with Dalai Lama and introduction to Tibbetan Buddhism. With Brad Pitt as the lead, the movie was a Hollywood production that needed mass appeal to earn profits (and recoup the $70 million + production budget). Yet, despite Pitt's almost comical German accent (wonder if he was remembering this role while hamming it up in Inglorious Basterds?), his character showed admirable growth thanks to his encounter with the Tibetan people.
In one scene, Pitt's character was showing off his athleticism to a throng of Tibetans who were ice skating, apparently for the first time. Yet, the Tibetans paid no attention to the flamboyant mountain climber who was performing stunts on the ice, preferring instead to encourage Herrer's companion, another Austrian, who was focused on helping a lovely young Tibetan find her footing on a very slippery surface. Lesson? It's not about drawing attention to one's self that matters, it's all about helping others.
Bereft of the attention of the lovely young Tibetan woman, Pitt's character finds himself taking an awkward, saffron-robed monk by the hand, and guides him across the ice. Ironically, it's this selfless act of kindness that drew the Dalai Lama's attention, watching the whole skating adventure from afar. But for his selfless act, Pitt's character may have never formed a bond with one of the world's most deeply spiritual persons.
Lesson for me? I'll not enjoy authentic Christmas spirit this year unless I find a way truly to give of myself to others. Isn't that what Christ's gift showed us? That by emptying ourselves of power and position, honor and glory, and by humbling ourselves, we learn true purpose and meaning for our lives? Just what will that mean for me? I'm not yet sure. But I'll let you know when I figure it out (probably with some outside help).
Keep your Christmas mood this year Paul McCartney--I'm looking for something more.
Clearly, something was lost in McCartney's songwriting after the Beatles. While he certainly has enjoyed popular success over the last forty years, tossing off hummable bon mots with about as much effort as most of us use to make breakfast, "groundbreaking" is not how most music fans would describe these tunes. Compare "Ebony and Ivory" with "A Day In The Life" and you'll know what I mean.
It wasn't the spectacle of watching McCartney bring his senior citizen rock moves to Saturday Night Live this past week that has me thinking about the former Beatle, or the fact that his music is finally available on I-Tunes (hurray!!), but that my son picked his Christmas song to try out for a solo slot in his high school's upcoming holiday concert. Isaac didn't get the solo, which I believe has as much to do with the quality of McCartney's carol as Isaac's admittedly shakey performance.
Written in 1979, McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" has taken its place as one of the most often heard songs played on 24/7 Christmas radio stations. Yet, it boasts lyrics so banal that it could be about any family-oriented holiday. OK, that is an overstatement. There are no choirs of children and bells in a song about the Fourth of July, but you get my drift. The song is about feeling good, having a party, being with friends and family--that's Christmas spirit without Christmas message.
John Lennon, who was never a proponent of Christian faith (e.g. "The Beatles are more popular than Jesus"), at least understood that the hope of Peace on Earth was a very good reason to wish Merry Christmas. Yet, for Paul McCartney, there is no gift giving, no peace, no humble, struggling Holy Family. Instead Christmas is all about mood and feelings.
Well, if that's what Christmas is about, maybe we should all just take a Zoloft on December 25, sit home, and listen to Johnny Mathis albums! Seriously, in this weather, who needs a party? Why don the cheesy red sweater and risk grievous bodily harm to drive across town, especially after imbibing a few egg nogs? If feeling warm inside is the goal, then skip the cards and the $10 gifts and just mix me another Hot Toddy, please!
I'm still waiting for Christmas spirit to hit me this season. My wife says I've been a curmudgeon all month--heck I nixed the backyard ice rink, have found plenty of things to do other than shop, and not even faked an effort to start addressing Christmas cards. I know I have responsibilities to bring Christmas spirit to my family--and with that in mind I gamely hung outdoor lights, hoisted an enormous wreath on the front of the house, and even baked some amazing cookies. In a more serious vain, our family's Advent devotions have occurred almost daily--in an admirable effort to remember "the reason for the season." Yet, I'm still left wondering, who's going to bring the Christmas spirit to me this year?
Last night we ended up watching Seven Years in Tibet on television. This visually spectacular film tells the story of Heinrich Herrer, an egotistical mountain climber, whose life was changed by his friendship with Dalai Lama and introduction to Tibbetan Buddhism. With Brad Pitt as the lead, the movie was a Hollywood production that needed mass appeal to earn profits (and recoup the $70 million + production budget). Yet, despite Pitt's almost comical German accent (wonder if he was remembering this role while hamming it up in Inglorious Basterds?), his character showed admirable growth thanks to his encounter with the Tibetan people.
In one scene, Pitt's character was showing off his athleticism to a throng of Tibetans who were ice skating, apparently for the first time. Yet, the Tibetans paid no attention to the flamboyant mountain climber who was performing stunts on the ice, preferring instead to encourage Herrer's companion, another Austrian, who was focused on helping a lovely young Tibetan find her footing on a very slippery surface. Lesson? It's not about drawing attention to one's self that matters, it's all about helping others.
Bereft of the attention of the lovely young Tibetan woman, Pitt's character finds himself taking an awkward, saffron-robed monk by the hand, and guides him across the ice. Ironically, it's this selfless act of kindness that drew the Dalai Lama's attention, watching the whole skating adventure from afar. But for his selfless act, Pitt's character may have never formed a bond with one of the world's most deeply spiritual persons.
Lesson for me? I'll not enjoy authentic Christmas spirit this year unless I find a way truly to give of myself to others. Isn't that what Christ's gift showed us? That by emptying ourselves of power and position, honor and glory, and by humbling ourselves, we learn true purpose and meaning for our lives? Just what will that mean for me? I'm not yet sure. But I'll let you know when I figure it out (probably with some outside help).
Keep your Christmas mood this year Paul McCartney--I'm looking for something more.
Friday, December 10, 2010
December Reset
Hello blog, my old friend. Hopefully with a little tending I can get you nursed back to health in no time. Hopefully my neglect has not permanently destroyed what was an important part of my life a few months ago.
So what's been going on in my life lately. Let me start with passions. I'm still exercising (and have kept the weight off). But, today it was snowing and I didn't run, swim or do anything remotely physical. Is this the beginning of a slothful trend--or will I get back on the horse and continue working out like before? We'll see.
Food is still a passion. Lately I've been making delicious morning smoothies with Arab yogurt and frozen berries from Costco. Not too much sugar, lots of protein, fantastic taste. Having a ball baking, too. Made a Paula Dean rum-soaked pound cake for my wife's birthday. So good. Boozy, sugary, full of butter, rich--yeah it was "out of the park" good. Also made the Thanksgiving pies this year, which everybody loved.
Work is picking up. Though hardly my passion, it is something I enjoy. The new business started last spring is finally up and running. Along with my partner, we've got an open location that is serving patients. We've got a functioning website and even a marketing plan. It's all very early, but it's more than a dream--it's a reality. Oh yeah, I have a new law client, too. Unfortunately, the first real project I did for them was less than a stellar success. I thought I was good with people? Well, in designing an executive compensation plan for the client, the first person they presented it to found the plan "one-sided and unfair" and refused to join their enterprise. I think she was mentally unstable, so good riddance--but the client wasn't pleased. I'm in fence mending mode with them now.
I also "broke up" with another associate who I intended to launch a business with. Filled with exuberance over a good idea, I got way ahead of myself and spent a lot of time and energy planning for this business. When we actually sat down to negotiate our partnership, my friend (who says he has high control needs) refused go into the venture as equal partners with me. He wanted to own a large majority of the shares of our corporation and I said "no!" I'm just not in the mood to be anybody's junior partner at this stage in my career, especially when the venture is a start-up with no established business. I hope we're still friends, but I'm not sure.
And the family? Well let's start positive. Isaac is kicking butt in high school with really good grades, lots of friends, and interesting extracurricular activities. We're confident we made the right call keeping him in public schools.
Amelia seems to be doing OK in college again. Her classes are challenging, her spirits are high, but her health has been a little shaky. She burns the candle at both ends and is paying the price. Her asthma, which had been in check for years after receiving a blessing from a Catholic priest with known healing powers (not kidding), is back with a vengeance. With a nice long school break approaching, she'll have a few much needed weeks to recover.
Angel is in culinary school, which is a good thing. Clearly he loves his studies. And, he's really good at the subject matter. Now, the challenge is to keep his nose to the grindstone even though the academic part of his course work is not nearly as exciting and emotionally rewarding as his interactions with people and time in the kitchen. Staying focused on long-term goals is always a struggle, especially with so many distractions in his life.
Speaking of single-minded focus, Lonelli continues to hurtle through life fixated on one or more challenges. Right now she's determined to complete a half ironman triathlon in South Africa early next year. She is also determined to get into a healthy, affirming relationship. These are both good things--at the same time they are not the only things in her life. We continue to encourage her to remember that family and friends are not just yes people there to green light every passion in her life. We have different perspectives and we are not kill joys if we suggest different priorities.
That leaves Clarisa and me. I'm always glad that I'm married--and have never wanted to be anything but Clarisa's husband for the last 20 years. At the same time, even people you love can get on your nerves--and Clarisa and I seem to find every occassion to bother, bug, and generally annoy each other.
In my marriage, we both assume that our perspectives are correct and that our partners have somehow changed. I don't think its change that bothers us, it's our intense togetherness. I believe that as we grow older we're less and less tolerant of our partner's annoying characteristics. They were always there, we just overlooked them, which was easier when we both worked, had small children to tend to, and many other obligations in our lives. But now we're together more--so we're left staring at each other every day thinking, "Is this the person I married?"
I think we both need to become more accepting of each other and recognize that our lives are changing. We're no longer young--and more of our life is behind us than ahead of us. Our roles are changing in our families and in our community, and we need to accept these changes and see the opportunities for growth.
As 2010 winds down, I'm glad this year is over. There were far more uncomfortable experiences than I'm used to. There was less success. More unhappiness.
Ultimately I know that success and happiness come from within, they come when our lives, spirits and goals are aligned with God's will. Chasing after other people's approval or admiration are deadend streets, because we can never get from someone else what brings peace to our spirits. Instead, in 2011 I will strive to find purposefulness in my relationships, in my work, and in my deeds.
One big upcoming event that will help me deepen my thinking and improve my spirit will be World Youth Day 2011. Clarisa and I are the primary chaperones for a group from Grosse Pointe who will attend the World Youth Day in Madrid, Spain in August. The preparation for that journey will include intense spiritual reflection and working hard at interpersonal relationships. The trip is coming at a good time in my life--the year I turn 50--a time when, hopefully I'll be more open to the moving of God's Spirit within.
I also hope this rambling essay resets my mind and gets me back writing. We'll see, won't we. Keep reading!
So what's been going on in my life lately. Let me start with passions. I'm still exercising (and have kept the weight off). But, today it was snowing and I didn't run, swim or do anything remotely physical. Is this the beginning of a slothful trend--or will I get back on the horse and continue working out like before? We'll see.
Food is still a passion. Lately I've been making delicious morning smoothies with Arab yogurt and frozen berries from Costco. Not too much sugar, lots of protein, fantastic taste. Having a ball baking, too. Made a Paula Dean rum-soaked pound cake for my wife's birthday. So good. Boozy, sugary, full of butter, rich--yeah it was "out of the park" good. Also made the Thanksgiving pies this year, which everybody loved.
Work is picking up. Though hardly my passion, it is something I enjoy. The new business started last spring is finally up and running. Along with my partner, we've got an open location that is serving patients. We've got a functioning website and even a marketing plan. It's all very early, but it's more than a dream--it's a reality. Oh yeah, I have a new law client, too. Unfortunately, the first real project I did for them was less than a stellar success. I thought I was good with people? Well, in designing an executive compensation plan for the client, the first person they presented it to found the plan "one-sided and unfair" and refused to join their enterprise. I think she was mentally unstable, so good riddance--but the client wasn't pleased. I'm in fence mending mode with them now.
I also "broke up" with another associate who I intended to launch a business with. Filled with exuberance over a good idea, I got way ahead of myself and spent a lot of time and energy planning for this business. When we actually sat down to negotiate our partnership, my friend (who says he has high control needs) refused go into the venture as equal partners with me. He wanted to own a large majority of the shares of our corporation and I said "no!" I'm just not in the mood to be anybody's junior partner at this stage in my career, especially when the venture is a start-up with no established business. I hope we're still friends, but I'm not sure.
And the family? Well let's start positive. Isaac is kicking butt in high school with really good grades, lots of friends, and interesting extracurricular activities. We're confident we made the right call keeping him in public schools.
Amelia seems to be doing OK in college again. Her classes are challenging, her spirits are high, but her health has been a little shaky. She burns the candle at both ends and is paying the price. Her asthma, which had been in check for years after receiving a blessing from a Catholic priest with known healing powers (not kidding), is back with a vengeance. With a nice long school break approaching, she'll have a few much needed weeks to recover.
Angel is in culinary school, which is a good thing. Clearly he loves his studies. And, he's really good at the subject matter. Now, the challenge is to keep his nose to the grindstone even though the academic part of his course work is not nearly as exciting and emotionally rewarding as his interactions with people and time in the kitchen. Staying focused on long-term goals is always a struggle, especially with so many distractions in his life.
Speaking of single-minded focus, Lonelli continues to hurtle through life fixated on one or more challenges. Right now she's determined to complete a half ironman triathlon in South Africa early next year. She is also determined to get into a healthy, affirming relationship. These are both good things--at the same time they are not the only things in her life. We continue to encourage her to remember that family and friends are not just yes people there to green light every passion in her life. We have different perspectives and we are not kill joys if we suggest different priorities.
That leaves Clarisa and me. I'm always glad that I'm married--and have never wanted to be anything but Clarisa's husband for the last 20 years. At the same time, even people you love can get on your nerves--and Clarisa and I seem to find every occassion to bother, bug, and generally annoy each other.
In my marriage, we both assume that our perspectives are correct and that our partners have somehow changed. I don't think its change that bothers us, it's our intense togetherness. I believe that as we grow older we're less and less tolerant of our partner's annoying characteristics. They were always there, we just overlooked them, which was easier when we both worked, had small children to tend to, and many other obligations in our lives. But now we're together more--so we're left staring at each other every day thinking, "Is this the person I married?"
I think we both need to become more accepting of each other and recognize that our lives are changing. We're no longer young--and more of our life is behind us than ahead of us. Our roles are changing in our families and in our community, and we need to accept these changes and see the opportunities for growth.
As 2010 winds down, I'm glad this year is over. There were far more uncomfortable experiences than I'm used to. There was less success. More unhappiness.
Ultimately I know that success and happiness come from within, they come when our lives, spirits and goals are aligned with God's will. Chasing after other people's approval or admiration are deadend streets, because we can never get from someone else what brings peace to our spirits. Instead, in 2011 I will strive to find purposefulness in my relationships, in my work, and in my deeds.
One big upcoming event that will help me deepen my thinking and improve my spirit will be World Youth Day 2011. Clarisa and I are the primary chaperones for a group from Grosse Pointe who will attend the World Youth Day in Madrid, Spain in August. The preparation for that journey will include intense spiritual reflection and working hard at interpersonal relationships. The trip is coming at a good time in my life--the year I turn 50--a time when, hopefully I'll be more open to the moving of God's Spirit within.
I also hope this rambling essay resets my mind and gets me back writing. We'll see, won't we. Keep reading!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Censorship! On the Campaign Trail?
Elections for officers for the Class of 2014 were held last week at Grosse Pointe South High School. While fourteen-year old Isaac Piecuch of Grosse Pointe Farms was elected in a landslide to be president of his school's freshman class, he encountered some bumps on his road to victory.
Unknown to the voters at South High School, Isaac is a second cousin of Juan Williams, the recently dropped political commentator for National Public Radio, and now the darling of Fox News.
As celebrities go, Williams is a one who until recently elicited blank stares from most people. Not too many of Isaac's classmates listened to NPR, let alone picked up Williams' biography of Thurgood Marshall or cared that he was on the editorial board of the Washington Post. But now, thanks to the attentions of Bill O'Reilly, Whoopie Goldberg, and Jon Stewart, Williams is practically a household name--and Isaac is his cousin.
The son of immigrants from Panama, Williams and Isaac's mother (my wife Clarisa) grew up together in Brooklyn, New York. Williams' parents figured out that education was the key to success and they somehow sent Juan to prestigious boarding schools, even though their personal finances were modest at best. Talent, hardwork and a good education clearly paid off for Juan.
Isaac has met Juan a few times--at family gatherings--weddings, and, most recently, the April funeral of Isaac's grandfather, who also was Williams' first cousin. At that funeral Isaac sang the old gospel song, "His Eye is On the Sparrow," which is why Williams remembers Isaac. Williams wrote a book on African American religious music, in which he talked about that very song.
Besides a common interest on music, Isaac, like his celebrity cousin, encountered his own bit of censorship during the recent campaign at South High School.
Administrators required all candidates to present advanced copies of their speeches for review, and one sentence in Isaac's presidential campaign speech was deleted. In its original form, the speech quoted Sarah Palin. Isaac wished to say, "The great political leader Sarah Palin once said, 'I can see Russia from my house.' While I can't see Russia from my house, I can see a freshman class excited and movtivated to improve their school."
The administration felt mentioning Sarah Palin might "offend people" so they edited it from the speech. Instead Isaac was permitted to say, "While I can't see Russia from my house, I can see a freshman class . . . "
Perhaps there was a suggestion of mockery in Isaac's initial quote that the administration frowned on. However, the tone of Isaac's speech was far more civil than the name calling, distortions and outright lies we're being subjected to this campaign season.
While news organizations like NPR and school administrators steer clear of public discourse that expresses personal opinions that could offend, who is there to protect the public from the unending onslaught of highly politicized messages we encounter on television, in direct mail pieces and on the radio. And these messages don't come from the mouths of identifiable speakers, but are paid for by undisclosed donors whose motivations are unknown to listeners. Something seems out of whack here.
OK, I'm ranting a bit. For a person who loves the First Amendment (which guarantees both free speech AND religion, are you reading this Christine O'Donnell?) I'm not looking to restrict free speech. However, is speech created by unknown persons that includes lies and distortions meant to sway public opinion protected by our Constitution? I don't think so. However, it seems wrong that in a year when liars are free to spew filth from behind their big rocks without fear of retribution, Juan Williams gets fired for expressing his reaction (which I share) to Muslims on airplanes post 9-11, and Isaac Piecuch is prohibited from saying the name "Sarah Palin" in a campaign speech.
In another interesting election twist at South High School, like many current candidates, Isaac feared being too closely associated with the U.S. President and chose not to hang his favorite campaign poster that read: "Vote for Isaac, he kind of looks like Obama."
Unknown to the voters at South High School, Isaac is a second cousin of Juan Williams, the recently dropped political commentator for National Public Radio, and now the darling of Fox News.
As celebrities go, Williams is a one who until recently elicited blank stares from most people. Not too many of Isaac's classmates listened to NPR, let alone picked up Williams' biography of Thurgood Marshall or cared that he was on the editorial board of the Washington Post. But now, thanks to the attentions of Bill O'Reilly, Whoopie Goldberg, and Jon Stewart, Williams is practically a household name--and Isaac is his cousin.
The son of immigrants from Panama, Williams and Isaac's mother (my wife Clarisa) grew up together in Brooklyn, New York. Williams' parents figured out that education was the key to success and they somehow sent Juan to prestigious boarding schools, even though their personal finances were modest at best. Talent, hardwork and a good education clearly paid off for Juan.
Isaac has met Juan a few times--at family gatherings--weddings, and, most recently, the April funeral of Isaac's grandfather, who also was Williams' first cousin. At that funeral Isaac sang the old gospel song, "His Eye is On the Sparrow," which is why Williams remembers Isaac. Williams wrote a book on African American religious music, in which he talked about that very song.
Besides a common interest on music, Isaac, like his celebrity cousin, encountered his own bit of censorship during the recent campaign at South High School.
Administrators required all candidates to present advanced copies of their speeches for review, and one sentence in Isaac's presidential campaign speech was deleted. In its original form, the speech quoted Sarah Palin. Isaac wished to say, "The great political leader Sarah Palin once said, 'I can see Russia from my house.' While I can't see Russia from my house, I can see a freshman class excited and movtivated to improve their school."
The administration felt mentioning Sarah Palin might "offend people" so they edited it from the speech. Instead Isaac was permitted to say, "While I can't see Russia from my house, I can see a freshman class . . . "
Perhaps there was a suggestion of mockery in Isaac's initial quote that the administration frowned on. However, the tone of Isaac's speech was far more civil than the name calling, distortions and outright lies we're being subjected to this campaign season.
While news organizations like NPR and school administrators steer clear of public discourse that expresses personal opinions that could offend, who is there to protect the public from the unending onslaught of highly politicized messages we encounter on television, in direct mail pieces and on the radio. And these messages don't come from the mouths of identifiable speakers, but are paid for by undisclosed donors whose motivations are unknown to listeners. Something seems out of whack here.
OK, I'm ranting a bit. For a person who loves the First Amendment (which guarantees both free speech AND religion, are you reading this Christine O'Donnell?) I'm not looking to restrict free speech. However, is speech created by unknown persons that includes lies and distortions meant to sway public opinion protected by our Constitution? I don't think so. However, it seems wrong that in a year when liars are free to spew filth from behind their big rocks without fear of retribution, Juan Williams gets fired for expressing his reaction (which I share) to Muslims on airplanes post 9-11, and Isaac Piecuch is prohibited from saying the name "Sarah Palin" in a campaign speech.
In another interesting election twist at South High School, like many current candidates, Isaac feared being too closely associated with the U.S. President and chose not to hang his favorite campaign poster that read: "Vote for Isaac, he kind of looks like Obama."
Friday, October 8, 2010
Flattery Will Get You . . .
Who doesn't like a compliment?
I know I love them. Yeah, tell me I look handsome and . . . you pretty much own me. OK, maybe I'm not that shallow, but I do enjoy praise. In fact if you heap it on nice and thick, you won't hear me protest!
Many otherwise strong people have been brought down by their own vanity. After all, it is one of the seven deadly sins. And, apparently, one that I particularly am prone to indulge in.
So this week, a little bit of online flattery almost cost me money, my professional reputation, and good old, general humiliation. What happened you ask?
Two weeks ago, out of the blue, I received an email in my professional email account from someone purporting to be an attorney based in Brussels. The attorney said he had a client in Japan who he had represented, but now had a legal issue in my jurisdiction (the email never said "Michigan" however, which should have aroused my suspicion). The email went on and gave the contact information for his Japanese client.
My first reaction was pride. Wow, a European lawyer found my little website and decided, based on reading my glowing descriptions of my professional abilities, that I could represent his client. Figuring there was no harm in sending an email, I sent an email to the supposed client briefly introducing myself.
Four days later, I was surprised and delighted that I received back an email FROM JAPAN!!! And, yes, the president of a Japanese Steel Company was asking me to make a proposal to represent his company in a dispute with a Michigan company. I was thrilled.
To make a good proposal, I immediately did some online research. The Japanese company was a legitimate enterprise--in business since 1934. My purported potential client was in fact the president of the company. The Michigan corporation really is in business and could in fact have been in a dispute with a Japanese steel company.
I sent by email a brief proposal to Mr. Nishimoto and included a representation contract. I even asked for a significant retainer because this could be a big job, and I needed pre-paid funds to get started.
Two days later, to my delight, I received an email from Mr. Nishimoto. He claimed he had received approval from his Board of Directors to accept me as their Michigan legal counsel. He sent back a signed contract. He also sent me the purchase order that was the center of the dispute. This seemingly legitimate purchase order was signed AND SEALED by the president of the Michigan company. Everything appeared in order.
Mr. Nishimoto said he still wanted to keep the Michigan company as a customer. He said he told his customer that they had retained a Michigan lawyer in case they could not resolve their dispute and that I would spring into action "as a last resort". My instructions were to send wiring information so that he could send me my retainer, and then sit tight.
Wow, how easy! I would get paid, and, possibly not perform any services. At this point, however, nagging questions started popping up in my brain. Certain aspects of this chain of events seemed almost too good to be true. And, if something is too good to be true, in many cases, it isn't true.
But, I pushed forward with optimism, seeing this engagement as a chance to get some good publicity for my law firm. I even asked my daughter to start working on a press release to announce our new client. Both my daughter and I put on our Facebook pages, glowing announcements of our good fortune. However, I didn't send the bank routing information, not yet.
Ultimately, as we were compiling information for the press release, Lonelli Googled the name of the company and its president, and a listing appeared about scamming lawyers. Thank God for search engines!
As we read the posting, we saw that other lawyers in the United States had received nearly identical communications from persons needing legal representation. The set ups included the same companies, European lawyer, and legal dispute. One lawyer commenting on the scam said it originated in China, and he pointed out some of the "red flags" he noticed: poorly written correspondence; "too familiar" messages from persons who supposedly were C-level business execs; too quick turn around times for decisions.
Yeah, I had noticed those things too, but I didn't want to heed the signs, not at first. Yes I thought the writing style of the emails was a little strange, but the messages were written by persons for whom English is a second (or third) language. Why should I be put off by a little funky grammar!
And getting emails directly from the president of a multi-billion dollar steel company, that was unusual, wasn't it? Why wasn't he working through his own legal staff? When I get hired by big companies, its always by their legal counsel, not by their president. Ah, but here's where I was seduced by my own vanity. Why wouldn't the president of the company be impressed by my website and abilities? He clearly thought this matter was so important it required his personal attention.
Thank God I'm paranoid about sharing bank data through emails. I was not going to send him the keys to my professional bank account until I was completely sure the engagement was for real. But I was close. I did call my bank and confirmed the routing number. Sending the information was on my "to do" list for the day. I very nearly got scammed.
Instead I sent my "client" a sharply worded email saying he could fool a lot of people, but he didn't fool me! Secretly I hoped he would write me back and apologize and compliment me on my expert sleuthing skills. Maybe I'd hear him say like one of the confounded criminals on Scooby Doo, "Yeah, I almost got away with it, but those smarty pants kids figured it out."
Even better, perhaps Mr. Nishimoto would write back with more proofs and say, those lawyers in Virginia who were scammed, that was a fraud, but I'm for real, and I can prove it. And, I'll MAIL a check to you immediately to prove I still want you!
But instead, my inbox is strangely silent, and the scammers troll the internet looking for other lawyers whose vanity may cloud their better judgements.
Know any Japanese steel companies that need a good lawyer? I've got some free time on my schedule this week.
I know I love them. Yeah, tell me I look handsome and . . . you pretty much own me. OK, maybe I'm not that shallow, but I do enjoy praise. In fact if you heap it on nice and thick, you won't hear me protest!
Many otherwise strong people have been brought down by their own vanity. After all, it is one of the seven deadly sins. And, apparently, one that I particularly am prone to indulge in.
So this week, a little bit of online flattery almost cost me money, my professional reputation, and good old, general humiliation. What happened you ask?
Two weeks ago, out of the blue, I received an email in my professional email account from someone purporting to be an attorney based in Brussels. The attorney said he had a client in Japan who he had represented, but now had a legal issue in my jurisdiction (the email never said "Michigan" however, which should have aroused my suspicion). The email went on and gave the contact information for his Japanese client.
My first reaction was pride. Wow, a European lawyer found my little website and decided, based on reading my glowing descriptions of my professional abilities, that I could represent his client. Figuring there was no harm in sending an email, I sent an email to the supposed client briefly introducing myself.
Four days later, I was surprised and delighted that I received back an email FROM JAPAN!!! And, yes, the president of a Japanese Steel Company was asking me to make a proposal to represent his company in a dispute with a Michigan company. I was thrilled.
To make a good proposal, I immediately did some online research. The Japanese company was a legitimate enterprise--in business since 1934. My purported potential client was in fact the president of the company. The Michigan corporation really is in business and could in fact have been in a dispute with a Japanese steel company.
I sent by email a brief proposal to Mr. Nishimoto and included a representation contract. I even asked for a significant retainer because this could be a big job, and I needed pre-paid funds to get started.
Two days later, to my delight, I received an email from Mr. Nishimoto. He claimed he had received approval from his Board of Directors to accept me as their Michigan legal counsel. He sent back a signed contract. He also sent me the purchase order that was the center of the dispute. This seemingly legitimate purchase order was signed AND SEALED by the president of the Michigan company. Everything appeared in order.
Mr. Nishimoto said he still wanted to keep the Michigan company as a customer. He said he told his customer that they had retained a Michigan lawyer in case they could not resolve their dispute and that I would spring into action "as a last resort". My instructions were to send wiring information so that he could send me my retainer, and then sit tight.
Wow, how easy! I would get paid, and, possibly not perform any services. At this point, however, nagging questions started popping up in my brain. Certain aspects of this chain of events seemed almost too good to be true. And, if something is too good to be true, in many cases, it isn't true.
But, I pushed forward with optimism, seeing this engagement as a chance to get some good publicity for my law firm. I even asked my daughter to start working on a press release to announce our new client. Both my daughter and I put on our Facebook pages, glowing announcements of our good fortune. However, I didn't send the bank routing information, not yet.
Ultimately, as we were compiling information for the press release, Lonelli Googled the name of the company and its president, and a listing appeared about scamming lawyers. Thank God for search engines!
As we read the posting, we saw that other lawyers in the United States had received nearly identical communications from persons needing legal representation. The set ups included the same companies, European lawyer, and legal dispute. One lawyer commenting on the scam said it originated in China, and he pointed out some of the "red flags" he noticed: poorly written correspondence; "too familiar" messages from persons who supposedly were C-level business execs; too quick turn around times for decisions.
Yeah, I had noticed those things too, but I didn't want to heed the signs, not at first. Yes I thought the writing style of the emails was a little strange, but the messages were written by persons for whom English is a second (or third) language. Why should I be put off by a little funky grammar!
And getting emails directly from the president of a multi-billion dollar steel company, that was unusual, wasn't it? Why wasn't he working through his own legal staff? When I get hired by big companies, its always by their legal counsel, not by their president. Ah, but here's where I was seduced by my own vanity. Why wouldn't the president of the company be impressed by my website and abilities? He clearly thought this matter was so important it required his personal attention.
Thank God I'm paranoid about sharing bank data through emails. I was not going to send him the keys to my professional bank account until I was completely sure the engagement was for real. But I was close. I did call my bank and confirmed the routing number. Sending the information was on my "to do" list for the day. I very nearly got scammed.
Instead I sent my "client" a sharply worded email saying he could fool a lot of people, but he didn't fool me! Secretly I hoped he would write me back and apologize and compliment me on my expert sleuthing skills. Maybe I'd hear him say like one of the confounded criminals on Scooby Doo, "Yeah, I almost got away with it, but those smarty pants kids figured it out."
Even better, perhaps Mr. Nishimoto would write back with more proofs and say, those lawyers in Virginia who were scammed, that was a fraud, but I'm for real, and I can prove it. And, I'll MAIL a check to you immediately to prove I still want you!
But instead, my inbox is strangely silent, and the scammers troll the internet looking for other lawyers whose vanity may cloud their better judgements.
Know any Japanese steel companies that need a good lawyer? I've got some free time on my schedule this week.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Move Away from the Twinkie!
Actually, I've never really liked Twinkies, but I LOVE to snack. . . . and drink alcohol. . . . and eat dessert. And, this may come as a bit of surprise based on my recent bragging, I really don't love working out all that much.
While I love how I look and feel since I began eating right and exercising like a maniac, lethargy and gluttony are never quite out of my system. What's making this week all that more miserable for me is that I quit smoking (again) on Labor Day. Many of you don't know that for 25 years I've smoked off and on. Like our President, Barack Obama, I've taken great pains not to flaunt my tobacco addiction--preferring instead to puff in private. But, this week, I'm tobacco free.
Even though at my worst I never smoked that much, giving up cigarettes for me is a lot like not drinking coffee in the morning. I drink one cup of coffee EVERY morning. And, if I miss my coffee, I don't have cravings or headaches, I just don't feel quite right. It feels the same for me when I don't smoke. It's like I've forgotten to do something, and I can't remember what it is. My thought processes seem a little out of focus and my brain runs slower than normal. Also, rather than chilled and comfortable, I feel slightly cross and bothered. And, yeah, I'd like to eat everything in sight, too.
The problem for me is, rather than wanting to go running to get through the muddle, what I really want is a chocolate sundae. Or, better yet, I want a warm piece of cherry pie with a big scoop of ice cream. Yeah, and instead of working today, I'm having trouble finding a higher priority for my afternoon than watching Dirty Harry movies with a bag of Doritos in hand--and salsa, and cheese dip.
Fat people often say there's a thin person inside them trying to get out. With me it's the opposite. I'm a currently thin person whose fat self is just biding his time, playing cards, sitting back sipping martinis, waiting for thin Kevin to run out of steam. I feel such sympathy for Gollum! Remember when Smeagol wins the upper hand for a brief moment in The Lord of the Rings, and the creature seemed to tame his evil nature--only to succumb to temptation and revert to his nasty ways? I sincerely hope a serious backslide isn't in my future.
Wait a minute. Hope is not a plan! Yikes. A serious backslide is coming unless I come up with a counter attack strategy!
Don't worry, it's just my detoxing brain talking. Thin Kevin is not about to disappear. Not this month. He's gonna move away from the Twinkie, AND the Doritos, AND the Newport 100s. He's gonna race against cancer on Sunday. And, he's gonna start swimming with a bunch of fanatics beginning Wednesday. And he's not gonna stuff his face late at night. And he's gonna do this One Day At A Time. (cue up the music, please).
P.S. Wanna see some "before and after" pix. Look at my fitness blog, which is gonna help me stay fit and thin. That site is located at www.ididitucantoo.blogspot.com.
While I love how I look and feel since I began eating right and exercising like a maniac, lethargy and gluttony are never quite out of my system. What's making this week all that more miserable for me is that I quit smoking (again) on Labor Day. Many of you don't know that for 25 years I've smoked off and on. Like our President, Barack Obama, I've taken great pains not to flaunt my tobacco addiction--preferring instead to puff in private. But, this week, I'm tobacco free.
Even though at my worst I never smoked that much, giving up cigarettes for me is a lot like not drinking coffee in the morning. I drink one cup of coffee EVERY morning. And, if I miss my coffee, I don't have cravings or headaches, I just don't feel quite right. It feels the same for me when I don't smoke. It's like I've forgotten to do something, and I can't remember what it is. My thought processes seem a little out of focus and my brain runs slower than normal. Also, rather than chilled and comfortable, I feel slightly cross and bothered. And, yeah, I'd like to eat everything in sight, too.
The problem for me is, rather than wanting to go running to get through the muddle, what I really want is a chocolate sundae. Or, better yet, I want a warm piece of cherry pie with a big scoop of ice cream. Yeah, and instead of working today, I'm having trouble finding a higher priority for my afternoon than watching Dirty Harry movies with a bag of Doritos in hand--and salsa, and cheese dip.
Fat people often say there's a thin person inside them trying to get out. With me it's the opposite. I'm a currently thin person whose fat self is just biding his time, playing cards, sitting back sipping martinis, waiting for thin Kevin to run out of steam. I feel such sympathy for Gollum! Remember when Smeagol wins the upper hand for a brief moment in The Lord of the Rings, and the creature seemed to tame his evil nature--only to succumb to temptation and revert to his nasty ways? I sincerely hope a serious backslide isn't in my future.
Wait a minute. Hope is not a plan! Yikes. A serious backslide is coming unless I come up with a counter attack strategy!
Don't worry, it's just my detoxing brain talking. Thin Kevin is not about to disappear. Not this month. He's gonna move away from the Twinkie, AND the Doritos, AND the Newport 100s. He's gonna race against cancer on Sunday. And, he's gonna start swimming with a bunch of fanatics beginning Wednesday. And he's not gonna stuff his face late at night. And he's gonna do this One Day At A Time. (cue up the music, please).
P.S. Wanna see some "before and after" pix. Look at my fitness blog, which is gonna help me stay fit and thin. That site is located at www.ididitucantoo.blogspot.com.
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