Greek Crisis? With That Yogurt?

There are certain news stories I simply do not understand. Which is a total surprise in the world of dumbed down reporting and non-stop celebrity gossip. I never studied finance--so perhaps I should ask a real expert to explain--but it makes no sense to me that a default by tiny Greece is threatening to bring down the world's economy.

I've heard these stories before--how AIG or Merrill Lynch or Fannie Mae--were all the final straws that threatened to bring down the U.S. economy. And, after a taxpayer funded lifeline, the sky remained above. So I'm a little jaded about this whole Greece mess. However, if it's true that a solvent Greece is the lynchpin upon which our entire world's financial system depends, I have a few ideas that might help the Greeks raise a few euros. In case anybody reading this is friends with a bigwig at the IMF or at the European Union HQs, please feel free to forward a link.

FIVE WAYS TO SAVE GREECE (and save the world)

1. Feta Fridays. This is really just a marketing idea. Remember when Wednesday was Prince Spaghetti day? Well as long as that ad campaign ran, Prince Spaghetti ruled the dry pasta market. The ads stopped--and where's Prince Spaghetti today. Nowhere! If the Greeks started a similar campaign promoting their signature goat milk cheese, "Eat it every Friday!" sales could skyrocket.

2. Limit access to Greek Yogurt. I know this sounds counterintuitive, but I've eaten Greek yogurt. It's amazing! And, I already am willing to pay three times the cost of regular yogurt to get some for my morning smoothies. Imagine what could happen if my supply simply dried up! If the Middle Eastern nations gained a stranglehold on the world's economy by limiting the supply of oil through OPEC, what's wrong with the Greeks doing the same with their yogurt. I know the thoughts of long lines at supermarkets worldwide is horrific, but with the world's financial system at stake, a little tough medicine won't hurt . . . much.

3. Find a use for olive leaves. With all the olive oil they produce, those leaves must be spread four inches thick across the entire country. This isn't as crazy as it sounds. The Greeks have enjoyed phenomenal success convincing the world to use the leaves from another woody plant (eating grape leaves, really?). Why not find a use for something much more plentiful? Right now the leaves just sit unused. Maybe they contain a medicine that can cure baldness. Maybe woven together they could form a flame resistant fabric. Whatever the use--if the world is willing to eat grape leaves, I'm sure we can be convinced do something equally amazing with olive leaves.

4. Sell an island. The Greeks have thousands. Would it really ruin their country to lose just one? Think about it. What could Santorini fetch in the open market? Several billion euros for sure. And Crete? Would the Greeks really miss Crete all that much? What a great place to warehouse retirees from Hong Kong or convicts from Brazil. I'm sure selling Crete would fill their coffers and then some.

5. Stage a worldwide bake sale. Bake sales have funded youth sports programs for decades. What about bake sales to save the birthplace of the Olympics? The Greeks would supply the baklava through their embassies, and the rest of us would set up tables and collect cash. If volunteers will sell and buy cookies to support losing sports teams, out of love and loyalty, think how many people would do the same for Greece--out of love and loyalty for it's gifts to the world: Aristotle, wine, spanakopita, Jackie Onassis, just to name a few.

I'm sure if I tried, I could come up with more fantastic ideas how to save Greece, and save the world. And, to think, I wrote this whole piece without even drinking a shot of ouzo!