Existential Musings from the New Jersey Housewives

Who knew that the Real Housewives of New Jersey followed the Sunday Scripture readings from the Common Lectionary? I was knocked on my keister with that discovery.

If you think your family is nuts, spend five minutes watching the Real Housewives of New Jersey on the Bravo Network and you'll see family disfunction ratcheted up to a whole new level. This Sunday, four of the five featured "housewives" appeared on the second part of the season wrap up reunion show, where they rehashed much of the season's antics. While an hour of finger pointing, head bobbing and hair tossing was truly entertaining, I was dumbfounded when host Andy Cohen asked the women a question I'd expect to hear at a Bible study: "What does the word 'family' mean to you?"

The women didn't miss a beat. They easily shifted from endless accusations of copycatting, lying and cheating--to philosophical musings. And they did this without rolling their eyes or pushing up their breasts--not once (well maybe only once). In an instant they were transformed from mindless bimbos to serious sages. It was truly remarkable. Of course since these were the New Jersey Housewives, their thoughts on family included self-serving digs veiled in words like "respect" and "integrity."

I was immediately reminded of the Gospel readings from the past four Sundays in which the Pharisees bombarded our Lord with seemingly simple questions, all with the purpose of trapping him. Surely he would say something they could use against him. This Sunday's question was, "Which commandment is the greatest?"

In Luke's version of this same story, after Jesus tells his questioners that the greatest commendments are to love God and to love your neighbor, a lawyer asks a logical follow up question, "Who is my neighbor?" To me, that's when the story gets really interesting and the dialogue on family involving the New Jersey Housewives became particularly poignant.

The New Jersey Housewives sounded amazingly Pharisaical in their answers. Family, they all agreed, share a common bond of blood--and that even though you may fight and squabble, family is always there when you need them. Unlike "friends" who come and go, family is a constant bedrock you can depend on. However, the pat answers about family began to unravel when the women had to explain their own actions regarding how they treated family members. It was clear that to these women inlaws weren't fully family--afterall they married into the family for selfish reasons. And even full blood relatives were only "real" family as long as they fulfilled the needs of the person speaking.

The Pharisees in Jesus' day weren't all that different. If obeying God's law required loving their neighbors, then they would define "neighbor" in the narrowest way, allowing them to hate and exclude people who were foreign or who refused to follow their interpretation of Scripture. Loving your neighbor meant loving the people you liked, all the while believing God approved of you hating and scheming against those whom you disapproved. What a neat system.

Jesus, however, turned self-serving relationships on their head. Not much of a stretch really to love people who like you and do what you demand. Loving your enemy, serving the Samaritan, and opening your heart to all who would enter, well that's way too difficult. It's also why we read the Gospels and study the saints. People who recognize that "family" includes our entire human race are so exceptional, so rare, that their stories seem somehow unreal.

The New Jersey Housewives may be clowns looking to exploit family members and personal relationships all for a few moments of fame, but are they really so different than the rest of us? Are we close-minded and self serving in our relationships or are we truly able to see every human person as a brother or sister created in God's image?

Jesus only condemned those who would use their power or position to abuse others. However, for even the vilest of sinners, Jesus always used words of love and acceptance.

So as you look at the people you encounter today and this week, ask yourself, "What is family?" And, "Who is my neighbor?" As you answer these questions, look into your heart and see whether you're sounding more like a New Jersey Housewife or a disciple of Jesus Christ.